


User's Manual

by ghostiess



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, User Manuals, User guide, What Was I Thinking?, does this count as, for the days of old-fic, i hope at least one person out there finds this funny, i think i'm hilarious, i think it probably does, i was feeling nostalgic, i've got three done so far, more characters to be added as i go because i don't know when i'll get to update this madness, this whole thing makes them sound like robots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-16 22:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5843764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostiess/pseuds/ghostiess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CONGRATULATIONS on your purchase of a BAND OF BROTHERS unit!</p>
<p>To obtain maximum enjoyment and efficiency from your new unit, please observe the following information.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. SPEIRS unit

**Author's Note:**

> I am a child of the mid-late 2000s fic circles. And I refuse to let gems like the User's Manual die. Seriously, I went onto fanfiction.net to find them again. That was an EXPERIENCE.
> 
> As always, no disrespect to the real men of Easy Company. This is based entirely on the actors portrayals in the HBO series, and is purely for the funsies.

CONGRATULATIONS on your purchase of a SPEIRS unit!

You are now the proud owner of a brand new, life-size SPEIRS unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope that you buy further BAND OF BROTHERS units in the near future. To obtain maximum enjoyment and efficiency from your new unit, please observe the following information.

** TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS **

Name: Ronald Speirs

Type: 1940s Paratrooper (Lieutenant)

Height: 1.78m

Weight: Variable

Manufacturer: TOCCOA INDUSTRIES

**ACCESSORIES**

Your SPEIRS unit comes with the following:

One (1) Dress Greens Outfit

One (1) Military Outfit

One (1) Pistol .45

One (1) M1

K-Rations

Chocolate Bars

Charms Candy

Powdered Coffee

Sugar

Matches

Compass

Bayonet

Entrenching Tool

Ammunition

Gas Mask

Musette bag (with ammo)

Webbing

Canteen

Two (2) packets of cigarettes

Hawkins Mine

Grenades (Two (2), one (1) smoke grenade, one (1) gammon grenade)

TNT

One (1) Parachute

One (1) Reserve Parachute

Mae West

Please be reminded that the weapons provided are _not_ toys. Additionally, it is recommended that your SPEIRS unit does not come into connect with any units from the PANZER IND. collection whilst in possession of any one the aforementioned weapons.

You are also reminded that you are responsible for providing your SPEIRS unit with further clothing items.

**INSTALLATION**

Your SPEIRS unit will arrive in his dormant stage (for shipping purposes), meaning that he will be unconscious. Gently remove him from the box and lay him somewhere flat and soft to begin booting up. Booting up may take anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. We at TOCCOA INDUSTRIES apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.

When your SPEIRS unit is finished booting up, please take the time to calmly explain to your new unit what is happening to him (see affixed instructions on introducing your new SPEIRS unit to his new home). He should acknowledge you as his new commander. If he does not, we suggest contact with either a WINTERS unit or a LIPTON unit to help him adjust.

**SETTINGS**

Your SPEIRS unit comes with several pre-installed modes. Further modes can be unlocked with the CAPTAIN SPEIRS upgrade (purchasable though TOCCOA INDUSTRIES via credit or debit card).

For ease of use, all modes are voice-activated and require only code words.

_Default Mode_

The default mode for the SPEIRS unit is _Soldier_. In this mode, your unit will not only be hyper-aware of his surroundings, but will also carry out any order you give him. Need a cup of coffee? Your SPEIRS unit is on the case. The laundry needs to be done? SPEIRS unit will do it. Require your enemies shot and disposed of? Your SPEIRS unit is happy to do it for you.

Please be aware that in extreme cases your SPEIRS unit may appear unhappy with doing menial tasks too frequently. Allow time between commands for your SPEIRS unit to unwind, or set him on a bigger, more important mission. We recommend the liberation of an oppressed peoples.

_Kleptomaniac_

The Kleptomaniac mode is most often activated when there is something of value near by. This is one of the only commands that is not voice-activated, and is unfortunately un-installable. Should your SPEIRS unit catch sight of something shiny and/or valuable, he will be compelled to pocket the object and take it home with him.

On occasion, you may find that your SPEIRS unit will gift you these small objects. Otherwise, you may find a nest of stolen goods in his living quarters. If this should happen too frequently it may be the result of long-term exposure to a PANZER IND. unit, and you should eliminate the source as quickly as possible.

User feedback has also reported a dip in this type of behaviour when paired with a LIPTON unit.

_Bodyguard_

This mode is activated with the code word ‘Flash’. To de-activate, the code word is ‘Thunder’. He will return to basic _Soldier_ mode.

As your SPEIRS unit is a fully qualified in the use of firearms, he makes the perfect bodyguard, should you require one. If left on this mode during the night, he will remain alert and proceed to watch for intruders until told to stop.

Please note that this mode can only be activated after your SPEIRS unit trusts and respects you. This may take some time, but to speed things up, we recommend that you allow your SPEIRS unit the freedom to roam and come into contact with other BAND OF BROTHERS units.

_Companion_

The SPEIRS unit was not designed as a companion unit, but he does come pre-installed with a companionship mode. This mode is activated with the code word ‘Ron’, as it shows familiarity. In this mode, your SPEIRS unit may become quiet, and his input to conversation will likely be cryptic, metaphorical, or potentially creepy. However, this mode is perfect should you wish to watch television, read a book, or entertain other friends with your SPEIRS unit.

Should you choose to purchase the CAPTAIN SPEIRS upgrade, your SPEIRS unit will be able to utilise the following modes:

  * _Excessive Alcohol Consumption_


  * _Comfort_


  * _Happiness_



The upgrade is recommended if you intend to purchase a LIPTON unit or a GRANT unit. It is not necessary if you already own or intend to purchase any other BAND OF BROTHERS unit, as he will function adequately with the basic model.

**COMPATABILITY**

Your SPEIRS unit is compatible with any other BAND OF BROTHERS unit, with the exception of the DIKE unit and in extreme cases, the SOBEL unit.

Notable compatibility cases include:

WINTERS unit: Your SPEIRS unit will defer to the WINTERS unit on important issues. They appreciate each others’ company and will get along quite well.

NIXON unit: Your SPEIRS unit, if upgraded to CAPTAIN SPEIRS, will enjoy the company of a NIXON unit. Please note that if they both enter the _Excessive Alcohol Consumption_ mode simultaneously, they may malfunction and get into trouble.

WELSH unit: Like the NIXON unit, the WELSH unit and your SPEIRS unit may cause trouble if both are in _Excessive Alcohol Consumption_ mode. Please provide your SPEIRS unit with a pack of playing cards if in contact with a WELSH unit.

LIPTON unit: Your SPEIRS unit will very much enjoy the company of a LIPTON unit. He will likely attempt to look after a LIPTON unit, and have great respect for him.

GRANT unit: A very compatible unit. Your SPEIRS unit is programmed to respect this unit and think of him as a friend.

If you intend to pair your SPEIRS unit with any other unit, please be aware that your unit may rebel, or otherwise ignore any attempts to pair them. This is a common issue with the SPEIRS model, and there is currently no patch to fix it.

**MAINTENANCE/CLEANING**

Your SPEIRS unit is perfectly capable of keeping himself clean. Merely explain to him how to use the equipment in the bathroom and he should take care of the rest. Please do not attempt to ‘help’ him in this regard. Your only input should be if your SPEIRS unit has been left on Bodyguard mode for longer than 72 hours, and he has not taken a shower in that time.

Your unit requires 6-8 hours sleep per night, but can function on much less for extended periods of time. If your SPEIRS unit has not slept in a week or more and refuses to go to bed, we recommend re-booting (see affixed instructions on how to re-boot your BAND OF BROTHERS unit).

Similarly, your unit can function on rations or even half-rations for upwards of a week, but we highly recommend feeding your SPEIRS unit twice daily at the minimum.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

Q: Can I take my SPEIRS unit outside?

A: Yes! Your SPEIRS unit is very well equipped to be outside. Avoid snowy conditions and DIKE units, as these may cause your SPEIRS unit to malfunction and begin to command _you_ , instead of the other way around.

Q: My SPEIRS unit sometimes talks to me in German and is fighting with my neighbours WEBSTER unit. What’s going on?

A: You have been sent a LIEBGOTT unit by mistake. Fill out the returns form on the back of your guide and ship him back to TOCCOA INDUSTRIES. We will issue you the correct model.

Q: I already own a LIPTON unit, and my SPEIRS unit has immediately sent him to bed and brought him Schnapps and Apple Strudel. I didn’t even have either of these in my house. I thought his only happened if you had the CAPTAIN SPEIRS upgrade. What do I do?

A: There are two possible reasons for this: One, your SPEIRS unit has come pre-loaded with the CAPTAIN SPEIRS upgrade. Congratulations. Two, sometimes a SPEIRS unit, when immediately confronted with a LIPTON unit will behave this way. If you did not have Schnapps or Apple Strudel in your house, your SPEIRS unit will go out to find some. We don’t know why. However, it’s nothing to worry about, the behaviour will cease when he realises the LIPTON unit is not sick.

**TROUBLESHOOTING**

Problem: My SPEIRS unit is indiscriminately shooting at people.

Solution: This is a very rare occurrence, and is only ever brought on by large groups of PANZER IND. units in the area. We recommend moving house.

Problem: My SPEIRS unit was issued the CAPTAIN SPEIRS upgrade and now keeps bumping into chairs and tables.

Solution: Gently guide your SPEIRS unit around the obstacles in his path, and perhaps avoid contact with NIXON or WELSH units so he does not switch to  _Excessive Alcohol Consumption_ mode. Your unit will get used to it in short time.

Problem: My SPEIRS unit has disappeared!

Solution: He does this. He’ll come back soon, and most likely impart some new wisdom with you. This is a common occurrence with the SPEIRS units; they like to have time alone and often won’t tell you when or where they are going.

Problem: My SPEIRS unit looks unusually happy. I haven’t upgraded to CAPTAIN SPEIRS, and I don’t have any of the compatible units yet.

Solution: Uh-oh. Your SPEIRS unit has accidentally paired with another BAND OF BROTHERS unit. If you do not own any other BAND OF BROTHERS unit, he has likely come into contact with one in the area, and the owner of that unit has tried to pair them. Once you find the responsible unit, attempt to de-pair them (see de-pairing guide at http://toccoaindustries.com/models/pairing/de-pairing). If this does not work, you may have to reboot your SPEIRS unit.

For further help please visit http://toccoaindustries.com/contact-us/FAQ/speirs-unit  

**FINAL NOTE**

The SPEIRS unit can be acquired alone, or as part of a COMMAND SET along with a WINTERS, NIXON, and WELSH unit. He can also be acquired with a LIPTON unit as a bundle.

We at TOCCOA INDUSTRIES hope you enjoy your new SPEIRS unit, and remind you that we are not responsible for any damage that should befall your unit once he is in your care, any breakages of the Geneva Convention, or disappearances of valuable items.


	2. LIPTON unit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally cannot believe like 17 people liked the SPEIRS unit enough to leave kudos and comments. You guys are hilarious and super fab.  
> Have a LIPTON unit as a thank you.

CONGRATULATIONS on your purchase of a LIPTON unit!

You are now the proud owner of a brand new, life-size LIPTON unit, the most popular unit in the BAND OF BROTHERS collection. We thank you for your purchase and hope that you are pleased with your decision. To obtain maximum enjoyment and efficiency from your new unit, please observe the following information.

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS**

Name: Carwood Lipton

Type: 1940s Paratrooper (Sergeant)

Height: 1.78m

Weight: Variable

Manufacturer: TOCCOA INDUSTRIES

**ACCESSORIES**

Your LIPTON unit comes with the following:

One (1) Dress Greens Outfit

One (1) Military Fatigues

One (1) Pistol .45

One (1) M1

K-Rations

Chocolate Bars

Charms Candy

Powdered Coffee

Sugar

Matches

Compass

Bayonet

Entrenching Tool

Ammunition

Gas Mask

Musette bag (with ammo)

Webbing

Canteen

Two (2) packets of cigarettes

Hawkins Mine

Grenades (Two (2), one (1) smoke grenade, one (1) gammon grenade)

TNT

One (1) Parachute

One (1) Reserve Parachute

Mae West

Please be reminded that the weapons provided are _not_ toys. Do not play with them.

You are also reminded that you are responsible for providing your LIPTON unit with further clothing items.

**INSTALLATION**

Your LIPTON unit will arrive in his dormant stage (for shipping purposes), meaning that he will be unconscious. Gently remove him from the box and lay him somewhere comfortable begin booting up. We recommend the comfiest bed you have, and possibly a plethora of pillows. Booting up may take anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. We at TOCCOA INDUSTRIES apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.

When your LIPTON unit is finished booting up, please take the time to calmly explain to your new unit what is happening to him (see affixed instructions on introducing your new LIPTON unit to his new home). Should everything be in order, he should be quite happy to follow your lead and begin his life as your unit.

**SETTINGS**

The LIPTON unit comes with several pre-installed modes. Further modes can be unlocked with the LIEUTENANT LIPTON upgrade (purchasable though TOCCOA INDUSTRIES via credit or debit card).

Please be aware that the LIPTON unit is liable to switch modes at random as he responds to his environment more than code words.

_Default Mode_

The Default Mode for your LIPTON unit is _Mom_. In this mode, your LIPTON unit will care for you, ask after your wellbeing, and ensure your safety. Please do not take this behaviour as condescending, he does it out of love, and if requested, your LIPTON unit will give you the space you require.

_Soldier_

The _Soldier_ mode on your LIPTON unit is not voice-activated, and will only engage when your LIPTON unit believes there to be an immediate threat to his, or your, safety. In this mode, your LIPTON unit may begin to give you orders and take cover behind walls.

This mode is most often engaged when a PANZER IND. unit is nearby, so we at TOCCOA INDUSTRIES recommend avoiding PANZER IND. units.

_Needs A Break_

The _Needs A Break_ mode is most common when your LIPTON unit falls ill. Your LIPTON unit will continue to function almost past the breaking point in this mode, performing any task you give him, until he can no longer stand up on his own.

If it gets to this point, we recommend contact with a LUZ unit, who will take care of him whilst completing any outstanding tasks. A SPEIRS unit may also take care of him, but will not take on any of his work. Also, your possessions may go missing.

_Companion_

The LIPTON unit has been designed with companionship in mind. He makes an excellent friend who will look after you to the best of his ability, without being overbearing. To access _Companion_ mode, call your LIPTON unit either by ‘Carwood’ or ‘Lip’ and he should be willing to play card games, watch a film or engage in conversation of your choosing. This is the perfect mode to leave him on in the presence of other BAND OF BROTHERS units.

Should you choose to purchase the LIEUTENANT LIPTON upgrade, your LIPTON unit will be able to utilise the following modes:

  * _Paperwork Completion_


  * _Leadership_


  * _Gets-Stuff-Done Mode_



The upgrade is recommended to get the most out of your LIPTON unit, but is not required for compatibility with any other BAND OF BROTHERS unit.

**COMPATABILITY**

Your LIPTON unit is compatible with any other BAND OF BROTHERS unit without exception. Even if your LIPTON unit dislikes another unit, he will never show it.

Notable compatibility cases include:

WINTERS unit: Your LIPTON unit will defer to the WINTERS unit on almost any subject. The LIPTON unit is used to taking orders from this unit, and may appear lost without one if he has not received the LIEUTENANT LIPTON upgrade.

NIXON unit: Your LIPTON unit will like a NIXON unit instinctively, despite any misgivings about the NIXON unit’s behaviour. They are best supervised when they interact.

WELSH unit: Like the NIXON unit, the WELSH unit and your LIPTON unit will get on well, but should be supervised.

SPEIRS unit: Your LIPTON unit functions best when in frequent contact with a SPEIRS unit. They have mutual trust and respect for each other, and do not need supervision if left in each other’s company.

LUZ unit: A surprisingly compatible unit, a LUZ unit will be able to take care of your LIPTON unit if he goes into _Needs A Break_ mode. In _Mom_ mode, a LIPTON unit and a LUZ unit may cause minor trouble, but it will be entirely the LUZ unit’s fault. Be aware that your LIPTON unit may develop some questionable habits in the presence of a LUZ unit (smoking is a commonly reported habit).

Unfortunately, your LIPTON unit cannot be paired with any unit other than the SPEIRS model. All attempts at pairing with other units will be futile.

**MAINTENANCE/CLEANING**

Your LIPTON unit can, and will, clean and maintain himself. Simply allow him access to the bathroom and he will take care of the rest. If your LIPTON unit becomes ill or injures himself, any of the BAND OF BROTHERS units will attempt to help. We recommend purchasing or borrowing a ROE unit for injuries.

Your unit requires approximately 7 hours sleep per night. If you let your LIPTON unit sleep for longer, he may be grouchy because he will feel as is he is being unproductive. Like the other BAND OF BROTHERS units, the LIPTON unit can survive on as few as 2-3 hours sleep, but it is not recommend that you allow your unit to do this frequently.

Please feed your LIPTON unit 2-3 times a day. And give him some snacks. He deserves it.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

Q: What would happen if I tried to pair my LIPTON unit with a BAND OF BROTHERS unit that is not a SPEIRS model?

A: Usually if you attempt to pair a LIPTON unit with any unit that isn’t a SPEIRS model, he short circuits and gets stuck in _Needs A Break_ mode. He will need to be re-booted in order to function properly again. We truly recommend that you do not attempt this.

Q: My LIPTON unit has been stuck in _Needs A Break_ mode for over a week. What should I do?

A: In the case of your unit becoming stuck in one mode, there are two options. One: put your LIPTON unit in immediate contact with another BAND OF BROTHERS unit. Any of the COMMAND SET units will work, as will either unit from the MEDIC SET or a LUZ unit. Two: purchase the LIEUTENANT LIPTON upgrade. This should switch your unit back to his default setting.

Q: I bought the LIEUTENANT LIPTON upgrade and now my LIPTON unit won’t sleep because he thinks there are too many things that he needs to get done. What should I do?

A: It sounds like your LIEUTENANT LIPTON unit has become stuck in _Gets-Stuff-Done_ mode. This is the only mode where contact with another unit would not help. The only way to get him out of this mode is to re-boot (see affixed instructions on re-booting).

**TROUBLESHOOTING**

Problem: My LIPTON unit and SPEIRS unit are frequently disappearing together.

Solution: Have you paired these two units? If you have, they will be fine to leave together for some time without supervision. They will return anywhere between a few hours and an entire day. It’s nothing to worry about.

If you have not paired these two units, it could be that they have paired themselves. It’s a common phenomenon with the BAND OF BROTHERS units, particularly with the LIPTON and SPEIRS units, and the only way to prevent this behaviour is to de-pair them, though this will not prevent them from pairing again in the future. For de-pairing advice see: http://toccoaindustries.com/models/pairing/de-pairing.

Problem: My LIPTON unit has taken up smoking and I’m worried for his health.

Solution: Your LIPTON unit has likely gone through a traumatic ordeal whilst in the presence of a LUZ unit. We are sorry to tell you the only way to remedy this is nicotine replacement and your support.

Problem: Our LIPTON unit is overbearing and keeps reminding us to take our coats with us if we go out anywhere.

Solution: This is his default setting. He will always remind you to take a coat with you. If you are unhappy with his _Mom_ mode, we suggest you switch him to the _Companion_ mode.

Problem: The LIPTON unit I purchased was recently involved in a car accident whilst helping an old lady cross the street and now he refuses to go outside.

Solution: This is normal! All units from TOCCOA INDUSTRIES are programmed to respond to stimuli like real people. Your LIPTON unit has gone through a traumatic event and is now understandably upset. Talk to your unit. Tell him you understand. Buy him a SPEIRS unit for company.

For further help please visit http://toccoaindustries.com/contact-us/FAQ/lipton-unit  

**FINAL NOTE**

The LIPTON unit can be acquired alone, or as part of a SERGEANT SET along with a GUARNERE and MALARKEY unit. He can also be acquired with a SPEIRS unit as a bundle.

We at TOCCOA INDUSTRIES hope you enjoy your new LIPTON unit, and remind you that your LIPTON unit deserves the best in life because he is precious.


	3. LIEBGOTT unit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the more of these I do the more... sinister they seem.

CONGRATULATIONS on your purchase of a LIEBGOTT unit!

You are now the proud owner of a brand new, life-size LIEBGOTT unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope that you buy further BAND OF BROTHERS units in the near future. To obtain maximum enjoyment and efficiency from your new unit, please observe the following information.

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS**

Name: Joseph Liebgott

Type: 1940s Paratrooper (Technician 5th Grade)

Height: 1.75m

Weight: Variable

Manufacturer: TOCCOA INDUSTRIES

**ACCESSORIES**

Your LIEBGOTT unit comes with the following:

One (1) Dress Greens Outfit

One (1) Military Fatigues

One (1) Pistol .45

One (1) M1

K-Rations

Chocolate Bars

Charms Candy

Powdered Coffee

Sugar

Matches

Compass

Bayonet

Entrenching Tool

Ammunition

Gas Mask

Musette bag (with ammo)

Webbing

Canteen

Two (2) packets of cigarettes

Hawkins Mine

Grenades (Two (2), one (1) smoke grenade, one (1) gammon grenade)

TNT

One (1) Parachute

One (1) Reserve Parachute

Mae West

Please be reminded that the weapons provided are _not_ toys, especially the grenades. Do not allow your LIEBGOTT unit to come into contact with a SOBEL unit whilst in possession of any weapons.

You are also reminded that you are responsible for providing your LIEBGOTT unit with further clothing items.

**INSTALLATION**

Your LIEBGOTT unit will arrive in his dormant stage (for shipping purposes), meaning that he will be unconscious. Gently remove him from the box and lay him somewhere flat to begin booting up. Booting up may take anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. We at TOCCOA INDUSTRIES apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.

When your LIEBGOTT unit is finished booting up, please take the time to calmly explain to your new unit what is happening to him (see affixed instructions on introducing your new LIEBGOTT unit to his new home). It is likely that he will immediately question you, your surroundings, and any other people in the immediate vicinity. If you have a WEBSTER unit already, it is recommended that you keep them apart for the time being.

**SETTINGS**

The LIEBGOTT unit comes with several pre-installed modes. Only one is voice-activated, as the LIEBGOTT unit is programmed to work on emotion rather than command.

Please be aware that your LIEBGOTT unit has the ability to speak German.

_Default Mode_

The Default Mode for your LIEBGOTT unit is _Hostile_. When in this default mode, your LIEBGOTT unit will question you. Frequently. He is unlikely to obey any commands, and if he does, he will do so with extreme reluctance. In order for your LIEBGOTT unit to function properly in this mode, we recommend having a WINTERS unit nearby.

_Soldier_

The _Soldier_ mode on your LIEBGOTT unit is activated either when a WINTERS unit/other COMMAND SET unit is nearby, or if there is the potential for danger. It can also be activated with the code word ‘Flash’, and disabled with ‘Thunder’.

Once activated, your LIEBGOTT unit will become increasingly hostile towards unknown individuals, making this the perfect setting to leave him on if you should need to leave him alone.

Please note that the _Soldier_ mode should not be left on for too long, or your LIEBGOTT unit may attempt to find a PANZER IND. unit to engage in a physical fight. Similarly, if you allow your LIEBGOTT unit to be around a WEBSTER unit in this mode for long periods of time, they will fight verbally until you switch him back to either the default setting or _Playful_ mode.

_Playful_

All LIEBGOTT units have a _Playful_ setting pre-installed. This mode is spontaneous, non-voice activated and is most often entered when in the presence of other BAND OF BROTHERS units. In this mode, your LIEBGOTT unit will entertain you with jokes, and will appear for all intents and purposes to be very happy.

Please note that in this mode, your LIEBGOTT unit may not realise if he has said something to offend you. He didn’t mean it.

We advise that you do not leave your LIEBGOTT unit alone with a WEBSTER unit whilst in this mode, as accidental pairing between these two units is a common phenomenon.

_Holding-A-Grudge_

Do not cross your LIEBGOTT unit. He will automatically switch to this mode, and it is very hard to switch him back to another mode without the help of another BAND OF BROTHERS unit.

Whilst in this mode, your LIEBGOTT unit will mostly ignore you. He may threaten you with violence, make fun of you behind your back or in extreme cases, leave the property.

Give him a hershey bar and loving attention and he will switch back to either  _Playful_ mode or his default setting, depending on how severely you have offended him.

It is possible to purchase the following upgrades for your LIEBGOTT unit:

  * _Jewish Liebgott_
  * _Comic Nerd_



The upgrades come as separate downloads. They are not necessary to interact with any other BAND OF BROTHERS unit, but if you wish to purchase, or already own, a WEBSTER unit, the _Comic Nerd_ upgrade is recommended for optimum compatibility.

**COMPATABILITY**

Your LIEBGOTT unit is compatible with any other BAND OF BROTHERS unit, except the SOBEL unit. Your LIEBGOTT unit will threaten to kill any SOBEL unit.

Notable compatibility cases include:

WINTERS unit: Your LIEBGOTT unit will respect any WINTERS unit, and take commands exclusively from this unit and a SPEIRS unit.

GRANT unit: These two units are friends. Very compatible. Do not leave a LIEBGOTT unit and a GRANT unit alone without supervision, it is likely that they will get in trouble.

SPEIRS unit: Your LIEBGOTT unit will like company from the SPEIRS unit, but it is best kept at a minimum because of their similar default modes.

WEBSTER unit: A vitriolic compatibility. A LIEBGOTT unit can, and will, be very mean to a WEBSTER unit unless paired or equipped with the _Comic Nerd_ upgrade. They are surprisingly easy to pair should you wish to do so.

Your LIEBGOTT unit is pairable with many other units. Please choose wisely, as your LIEBGOTT unit may reject pairing and return to the nearest WEBSTER unit.

**MAINTENANCE/CLEANING**

Your LIEBGOTT unit may reject any and all efforts to clean or maintain him. Letting him do it himself and at his leisure is recommended.

Your unit requires far less sleep than other BAND OF BROTHERS units; 5-6 hours is necessary for optimum functionality, but as few as 2-3 hours sleep will be sufficient to re-charge and perform most tasks. Allowing your LIEBGOTT unit to sleep for longer than 8 or 9 hours may result in hyperactivity or laziness. It is an unspecific science, so we recommend sticking to the advised re-charging times.

The LIEBGOTT unit needs to be fed 3 times a day to ensure maximum functionality. Snacks can be given at your discretion.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

Q: My LIEBGOTT unit refuses to speak to me in anything but German. How can I fix this?

A: Have you offended him? It may be that your LIEBGOTT unit is doing this just to irritate you. If this is the case, it seems likely that he has entered _Holding-A-Grudge_ mode, and you should follow the instructions covered in that section.

If you don’t believe that you have offended him, the problem may be down to nearby PANZER IND. units, and you should allow him to seek them out to deal with the issue. We recommend you keep a close watch, and even send him with another BAND OF BROTHERS unit to ensure safety.

Q: How do I stop my LIEBGOTT unit fighting with my neighbours WEBSTER unit?

A: You don’t.

Purchasing the _Comic Nerd_ upgrade may allow them to interact in a civil manner for some time, but unfortunately without pairing the units, you cannot stop them fighting. Even if you choose to pair your units, it is possible (likely) that they will continue to fight with one another.

Q: How do I get my LIEBGOTT unit to pair with a unit that isn’t a WEBSTER unit?

A: Leave your LIEBGOTT unit alone with the desired pairing unit whilst in _Playful_ mode. The process may take some time, but it is possible. For further instructions see: http://toccoaindustries.com/models/pairing

**TROUBLESHOOTING**

Problem: My LIEBGOTT unit disappeared for a few days and came back injured.

Solution: Find a ROE unit to take care of his injuries. It is likely that your LIEBGOTT unit switched to _Soldier_ mode due to a direct threat from a PANZER IND. unit in the vicinity, and he went looking for them. If he does this more than once, we suggest purchasing a WINTERS unit to keep him in line.

Problem: My LIEBGOTT unit likes to read books and is constantly writing in a journal. He also keeps trying to get out of tasks I set for him.

Solution: You have been sent a WEBSTER unit by mistake. Fill out the returns form on the back of your guide and ship him back to TOCCOA INDUSTRIES. We will issue you the correct model.

(Should you wish to keep the WEBSTER unit please contact us on the number below.)

Problem: Our LIEBGOTT unit is upset about something. He started crying and it scared us! We haven’t done anything to offend him and even contact with another BAND OF BROTHERS unit isn’t helping!

Solution: Oh dear. It’s possible that he has been asked to perform a task that he felt was morally wrong. As the LIEBGOTT unit runs mostly on emotions, you may have upset him indirectly by asking him to do this task.

Once his crying spell has passed, you may find that he is easily angered. The best thing to do in this situation is to re-boot (see affixed instructions on how to re-boot your BAND OF BROTHERS unit).

Problem: Our LIEBGOTT unit has paired with our WEBSTER unit. We did not plan this, and we don’t want it because their fighting is starting to damage our property.

Solution: If you’re sure you don’t want your LIEBGOTT and WEBSTER units paired, simply follow the instructions at http://toccoaindustries.com/models/pairing/de-pairing to de-pair them. Please be aware that this does not prevent re-pairing in the future, and these particular units are prone to pairing themselves. There is currently no patch to fix this bug.

For further help please visit http://toccoaindustries.com/contact-us/FAQ/liebgott-unit  

**FINAL NOTE**

The LIEBGOTT unit can be acquired alone, or as part of a bundle with the WEBSTER unit.

We at TOCCOA INDUSTRIES hope you enjoy your new LIEBGOTT unit, and remind you that TOCCOA INDUSTRIES is not responsible for any damage to personnel, property or other units you may own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi this has been sitting in the drafts for like two months and i just hadn't gotten around to pressing 'publish'  
> in addition, i am beyond busy with my uni workload so i literally don't have time for any fic (i'm not even reading it at the moment) so both this and Storms Blow Through will not be updated until i graduate. i'm sorry! bear with me friends.

**Author's Note:**

> What was I thinking? I hope someone enjoyed this. I've already finished the LIPTON unit and the LIEBGOTT unit.
> 
> So you'll have to suffer through those, too.


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